I'm A Planner
I'm a planner. I just plan a lot. If I know I'm gonna miss a day of school, I make sure I get the homework, get it done, turn it in. I plan out when I'm going to make up the test/quiz/lab that I missed. I make sure all my teachers know, I'm ready and it's all planned out.
I plan out how my days will go:
"Okay, work from 12:30-3:00, I need to clean my room, run laundry, read, write a bit, and eat before that. After work I should finish that book, watch Star Wars, run more laundry, etc., etc."
But I also plan out the future. Not, like, in detail, but I do make some plans. Most of those plans are made unconsciously. I just expect it to happen, like I expect to get up in the morning. I don't necessarily schedule it in.
Well, one of those unconscious plans was Trinity.
The thing is, I can plan everything out, but I can't see the future. God is in control. I'm not by any means saying that planning ahead is bad, but when we plan out our lives entirely without consulting God at all, we shouldn't be surprised when Gods plans don't match up with our own. We can't control the future. Honestly, I didn't like the idea of losing control and handing it all over to God. But I've found that that's exactly what I have to do in this situation. I just have to let go and trust God to take care of it.
I guess now I need everyone to accept what I’ve accepted - I’m not going back to Trinity Academy next year. It's mostly because of cost. Darn money. And Trinity was where I was planning on going, I wanted to go back, but what can you do? Money gets in the way sometimes. I must admit, it's kind of frustrating that some people can't pay to have a solid Christian education. (Not that Trinity is the only place to get that, but money shouldn't stop you from doing what you want.) We aren't a poor family, not by a long shot. There's just something flawed about this system. Nobody should be turned away from the education they want or deserve because they can't afford it. Ever. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I honestly still don't know where I'm going to school Sophomore year. We're looking into other options. Maybe I’ll move to China.
Now I want to encourage you to do two things:
1. Don't take what you have for granted. Not your friends, teachers, family, books, your house. What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today? Really take a second to appreciate everything you have. Be thankful for every little thing you have, because you never know how long it'll last.
2. Don't expect or wait on the future. Don't promise yourself you'll do something later-you don't have any idea what you'll be doing 'later.' I'm not saying you should live your life expecting to die every second, just - don't not do something because you think you can do it next year. Carpe Diem. Just go for it. Be ready and open to change-anything can happen in a year, a month, a week.
This poem by Corrie Ten Boom is an amazing summation of how God can see the whole picture, and all we see is what is happening right now. God can see how everything will end up - how beautiful your life is as a whole, while we only see the ugly and the bad as we go through hard times.
Keeping this in mind puts everything into perspective.
My life is but a weaving,
Between my God and me.
I do not see the colors,
He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow,
and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent,
and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas
and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
in the skillful weaver's hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
in the pattern He has planned.
~Corrie Ten Boom
So, in the end, I'm okay with all of this. I've accepted the fact that God has all of this under control and He'll provide. Yes, I'm a little disappointed, I love Trinity. But I've decided God knows what He's doing, so I know I don't have to worry about this. I'll be alright. He's got this, so - Hakuna Matata, my friends. Thanks for all the adventures we've had thus far, and know that I don't plan on ending them here.
I plan out how my days will go:
"Okay, work from 12:30-3:00, I need to clean my room, run laundry, read, write a bit, and eat before that. After work I should finish that book, watch Star Wars, run more laundry, etc., etc."
But I also plan out the future. Not, like, in detail, but I do make some plans. Most of those plans are made unconsciously. I just expect it to happen, like I expect to get up in the morning. I don't necessarily schedule it in.
Well, one of those unconscious plans was Trinity.
The thing is, I can plan everything out, but I can't see the future. God is in control. I'm not by any means saying that planning ahead is bad, but when we plan out our lives entirely without consulting God at all, we shouldn't be surprised when Gods plans don't match up with our own. We can't control the future. Honestly, I didn't like the idea of losing control and handing it all over to God. But I've found that that's exactly what I have to do in this situation. I just have to let go and trust God to take care of it.
Now, I have a dilemma.
My dilemma is that I’m caught in the middle of a situation
in which I must give news to those who probably won’t like what I have to say. My
dilemma is that I’m okay, but I don’t know if they will be. My dilemma is that
I’ve accepted this, but the people I tell won’t have the same three-week chance
to accept the things I have to say.
My dilemma is that I’m okay, and I don’t know if they will
be.
Sometimes you just have to decide that nobody is going to
hold you back. You can’t let fear of what others might say or think rule your
life. You can’t let extreme nervousness stop you from anything. You don’t have
to apologize or feel bad at all. You don’t need to accept the blame or feel like you’ve ruined their
lives. It’s up to you to make yourself happy. Sometimes the things you have to
do in life are hard, but sometimes you don’t have a choice. It’ll be hard for
people to accept that, but you have to do it. All you can do is hope that
people support the things that you have to do in your life.
Your life is up to you.
How you spend your days, your waking hours isn’t anybody
else’s choice but yours.
So stop letting that rule you.
Don’t let anyone ask you to change.
Life is far too short
to let anyone rule you. You don’t have to cave in to the rules of anything or
anyone. Don’t let a school strip away your individuality. Don’t let a person
tell you how to live. Don’t let one year in a certain high school make you feel trapped
inside that school for the next three years.
Get used to change,
because sometimes it’ll come. Be willing to accept that your plan won’t always
match up with God’s plans.
Have faith in yourself.
Mostly, you have to trust God. Sometimes your friends will
be upset with you – maybe they were planning on a great year with you. But
honestly, it’s not your fault. If people are basing their happiness on you, or
any person or material thing, then they’re bound to fall. Bound to fall.
It can always get better.
Be patient, remember that you can’t be the one to
supply anyone's joy, ever. Sometimes you disappoint people, but that’s part of
life. Disappointment is a huge part of life, actually, because people become
attached to some things, whether they really mean to or not. And sometimes those
things vanish, and people miss them.
Get rid of all the bad things in your life and do whatever
you want. Let the rest sort of work itself out.
I guess now I need everyone to accept what I’ve accepted - I’m not going back to Trinity Academy next year. It's mostly because of cost. Darn money. And Trinity was where I was planning on going, I wanted to go back, but what can you do? Money gets in the way sometimes. I must admit, it's kind of frustrating that some people can't pay to have a solid Christian education. (Not that Trinity is the only place to get that, but money shouldn't stop you from doing what you want.) We aren't a poor family, not by a long shot. There's just something flawed about this system. Nobody should be turned away from the education they want or deserve because they can't afford it. Ever. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I honestly still don't know where I'm going to school Sophomore year. We're looking into other options. Maybe I’ll move to China.
But I want everyone to know that I’m not going to wipe
myself off the face of the planet. I’ll still be in touch, and I still love all
of you.
Now I want to encourage you to do two things:
1. Don't take what you have for granted. Not your friends, teachers, family, books, your house. What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today? Really take a second to appreciate everything you have. Be thankful for every little thing you have, because you never know how long it'll last.
2. Don't expect or wait on the future. Don't promise yourself you'll do something later-you don't have any idea what you'll be doing 'later.' I'm not saying you should live your life expecting to die every second, just - don't not do something because you think you can do it next year. Carpe Diem. Just go for it. Be ready and open to change-anything can happen in a year, a month, a week.
This poem by Corrie Ten Boom is an amazing summation of how God can see the whole picture, and all we see is what is happening right now. God can see how everything will end up - how beautiful your life is as a whole, while we only see the ugly and the bad as we go through hard times.
Keeping this in mind puts everything into perspective.
My life is but a weaving,
Between my God and me.
I do not see the colors,
He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow,
and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent,
and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas
and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
in the skillful weaver's hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
in the pattern He has planned.
~Corrie Ten Boom
So, in the end, I'm okay with all of this. I've accepted the fact that God has all of this under control and He'll provide. Yes, I'm a little disappointed, I love Trinity. But I've decided God knows what He's doing, so I know I don't have to worry about this. I'll be alright. He's got this, so - Hakuna Matata, my friends. Thanks for all the adventures we've had thus far, and know that I don't plan on ending them here.
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