Apology, Motivation, and Enjoyment
First of all, I want to clarify something.
I'm not sure if this was at all noticeable to anyone, but I want everyone to know that my last post was not an insult to any school. I'm seriously not bashing anyone or any school, so if it felt like I was, I'm truly sorry and I want to stop that thought. That was not my goal with those words. I don't ever want to upset anyone, and if I do, let me know and I'd be glad to discuss it with you.
Okay. Now, I want you to hold on a second and ask yourself "Why do I get up in the morning?" Perhaps you just roll out of bed without thinking about it and whatever. Maybe you get up because you can't wait for a certain event. Maybe you get up because everyone is telling you to. Maybe it's to see a friend, to get coffee, to put on something warm, to get to that new book.
All of those things have been my motivation before. Now for a second, just think about it. What's the ultimate reason you get up everyday? Is there a reason that pulls you up day after day, or does it depend on the day, on what's happening in the next twenty-four hours? Decide for yourself, right now, and be honest, don't make up something that will make you look good - no one else has to know, tell yourself what it is.
Okay, here's mine: School.
Seriously, I think that's the real reason I get up everyday, is to get my schoolwork done. First of all, that's stupid, second of all, that's stupid. (Could I be any more shallow??)
Sometimes I get up because I'm excited for an event happening that day or that week, but usually I get up because I know I have class I need to get done. I know this isn't right. I should really be getting up to worship God, to praise Him, to live my day out to His glory and for Him. But instead, I get up and fulfill the very expectations I've just told you all don't matter. I am such a hypocrite.
I really struggle with this issue. I seriously do. I'm not getting up for Christ. I'm not getting up to praise Him, or to read my bible, I'm getting up to go.
That is so ridiculous. I'm ridiculous.
Anyway, so I'm working on it. I'm trying to work on realizing that the reason I should be getting up, living, eating, working, breathing is for Him. And that's really hard. I think it's so hard because I don't see it - again, it's not right in front of me, in the way that school is. So it's hard, but hey, challenges are good. So I'll work at it.
Now the topic of enjoyment. I was just listening to a song. And I felt my Omnibus thinking creep into my head and I thought, "This is so dumb. He's singing about how his life has worth and is good because he has a girl. That's so shallow. I mean, it's good to be alive because you have a girlfriend? Do you even realize what you're saying? You need to rethink your priorities. Go read On Christian Doctrine and learn a little bit about enjoyment, sir. You're so narrow-minded."
Ahhhhh.
And it's a good song. I mean, it's a feel good, happy, joyful little song that, granted, is pretty shallow, but then I deleted it from my playlist because all of a sudden I'm so critical. Omnibus is really making me overthink and overanalyze everything, which is annoying me. I mean, that can be good - really, really good to think and consider the things we read or listen to, but it's making me stop enjoying things that I would have otherwise. This is so hard to communicate. (Don't misread this - I love my Omnibus classes so, so much.)
Here's the thing - some things shouldn't be enjoyed in the way we enjoy them, and some things should be. We abuse our freedom sometimes, but we have to be careful that we (I) aren't totally overthinking things and forcing ourselves to always be thinking. If I think about anything too much, just about all of it is absurdly shallow, but it can still be fun and enjoyable. I honestly am very frustrated that I'm thinking so hard all the time. It's great to think, but I'm just overthinking everything in my everyday life - what are these lyrics really saying? Why does he say that? What could that mean? And that can be super fun, too, but it's also exhausting.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, other than don't think too hard. but make sure that you are thinking.
I have to go now.
Thanks for reading.
-Holly Beth
I'm not sure if this was at all noticeable to anyone, but I want everyone to know that my last post was not an insult to any school. I'm seriously not bashing anyone or any school, so if it felt like I was, I'm truly sorry and I want to stop that thought. That was not my goal with those words. I don't ever want to upset anyone, and if I do, let me know and I'd be glad to discuss it with you.
Okay. Now, I want you to hold on a second and ask yourself "Why do I get up in the morning?" Perhaps you just roll out of bed without thinking about it and whatever. Maybe you get up because you can't wait for a certain event. Maybe you get up because everyone is telling you to. Maybe it's to see a friend, to get coffee, to put on something warm, to get to that new book.
All of those things have been my motivation before. Now for a second, just think about it. What's the ultimate reason you get up everyday? Is there a reason that pulls you up day after day, or does it depend on the day, on what's happening in the next twenty-four hours? Decide for yourself, right now, and be honest, don't make up something that will make you look good - no one else has to know, tell yourself what it is.
Okay, here's mine: School.
Seriously, I think that's the real reason I get up everyday, is to get my schoolwork done. First of all, that's stupid, second of all, that's stupid. (Could I be any more shallow??)
Sometimes I get up because I'm excited for an event happening that day or that week, but usually I get up because I know I have class I need to get done. I know this isn't right. I should really be getting up to worship God, to praise Him, to live my day out to His glory and for Him. But instead, I get up and fulfill the very expectations I've just told you all don't matter. I am such a hypocrite.
I really struggle with this issue. I seriously do. I'm not getting up for Christ. I'm not getting up to praise Him, or to read my bible, I'm getting up to go.
That is so ridiculous. I'm ridiculous.
Anyway, so I'm working on it. I'm trying to work on realizing that the reason I should be getting up, living, eating, working, breathing is for Him. And that's really hard. I think it's so hard because I don't see it - again, it's not right in front of me, in the way that school is. So it's hard, but hey, challenges are good. So I'll work at it.
Now the topic of enjoyment. I was just listening to a song. And I felt my Omnibus thinking creep into my head and I thought, "This is so dumb. He's singing about how his life has worth and is good because he has a girl. That's so shallow. I mean, it's good to be alive because you have a girlfriend? Do you even realize what you're saying? You need to rethink your priorities. Go read On Christian Doctrine and learn a little bit about enjoyment, sir. You're so narrow-minded."
Ahhhhh.
And it's a good song. I mean, it's a feel good, happy, joyful little song that, granted, is pretty shallow, but then I deleted it from my playlist because all of a sudden I'm so critical. Omnibus is really making me overthink and overanalyze everything, which is annoying me. I mean, that can be good - really, really good to think and consider the things we read or listen to, but it's making me stop enjoying things that I would have otherwise. This is so hard to communicate. (Don't misread this - I love my Omnibus classes so, so much.)
Here's the thing - some things shouldn't be enjoyed in the way we enjoy them, and some things should be. We abuse our freedom sometimes, but we have to be careful that we (I) aren't totally overthinking things and forcing ourselves to always be thinking. If I think about anything too much, just about all of it is absurdly shallow, but it can still be fun and enjoyable. I honestly am very frustrated that I'm thinking so hard all the time. It's great to think, but I'm just overthinking everything in my everyday life - what are these lyrics really saying? Why does he say that? What could that mean? And that can be super fun, too, but it's also exhausting.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, other than don't think too hard. but make sure that you are thinking.
I have to go now.
Thanks for reading.
-Holly Beth
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